Language
We'll begin with box, and the plural is boxes,
But the plural of ox should be oxen, not oxes.
Then one fowl is goose, but two are called geese,
Yet the plural of moose should never be meese.
You may find a lone mouse or a whole lot of mice,
But the plural of house is houses, not hice.
If the plural of man is always called men,
Why shouldn't the plural of pan be pen?
The cow in the plural may be cows or kine,
But the plural of vow is vows, not vine.
And I speak of a foot, and you show me your feet,
But I give a boot... would a pair be beet?
If one is a tooth, and a whole set is teeth,
Why shouldn't the plural of booth be beeth?
If the singular is this, and the plural is these,
Why shouldn't the plural of kiss be kese?
Then one may be that, and three be those,
Yet the plural of hat would never be hose.
We speak of a brother, and also of brethren,
But though we say mother, we never say methren.
The masculine pronouns are he, his and him,
But imagine the feminine she, shis, and shim.
So our English, I think you will agree,
Is the trickiest language you ever did see.
Hints on Pronunciation
I take it you already know
Of rough and bough, and cough and dough
Others may stumble - but not you
On hiccough, thorough, laugh and through
Well done - and now you wish perhaps
To learn of less familiar traps
Beware of heard - a dreadful word
That looks like beard and sounds like bird
And dead, it’s said, like bed not bead
For goodness sake don’t call it deed
Watch out for meat, and great, and threat
They rhyme with suite, and straight, and debt
A moth is not a moth in mother
Nor both in bother, broth in brother
And here is not a match for there
Nor dear and fear, for bear and pear
And then there’s does, and rose, and loose
Just look them up, and goose and choose
And cork and work, and card and ward
And font and front, and word and sword
And do and go, and thwart and cart
Come, come I’ve hardly made a start
A dreadful language? Man alive
I mastered it when I was five
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